Change is not always as palpable as it is for me right now, in this moment, but I feel it. It is as real as life itself. There has been a slight movement in my personal growth; and with it comes a deeper awareness of who I am, and where I am headed. It’s very subtle but significant enough to draw my attention to myself and the people in my immediate environment.

“It feels like when you just know that you know, that you know; but cannot explain it.”

It means that I can be more direct and specific in my approach. I don’t have to hesitate in my intentions, words, and responses. The reluctance to speak out, whenever I am pushed in the opposite direction, is no longer there. The utter disregard and dismissal of my words and opinions will not stop me in my tracks anymore. I will speak with wisdom, authority, and confidence because I know exactly what I need to do.

“As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you embraced, let him be under a divine curse! Am I now seeking the approval of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:9-10 KJV

Now, I can move with a new intention and purpose, without the bondage of seeking an approval that was never forthcoming or realistic in the first place.  How can the blind lead the blind? How can drunken power and blind ambition be irrational? How can water mix with oil?

If I could go back in time, I would remind myself that I am the only one who can give permission to anyone to humiliate me because people will always treat you exactly the way you allow them to treat you. It’s as simple as that. However, in the desperate need to treat people the way I would like to be treated; I place myself in these situations time and time again.

The truth is that it really doesn’t matter how kind or considerate you are trying to be because you may never get the same considerations in return. No one cares if you have been ripped to shreads, as long as it is not happening to them. They are willing to dehumanize you without hesitation, just to make themselves look good; and all at your own expense.

But be encouraged… “And thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the LORD: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers,” Deuteronomy 6:18 KJV

Recently, I have found myself completely avoiding people in general because I don’t want to complicate the few relationships that I do make an effort to cultivate. For now, I will just make a conscious effort to surround myself with the right kind of people. I refuse to commit to relationships that are based on unrealistic expectations because they are unsustainable and potentially damaging to all involved.

“Ain’t nobody got time for that.”